Monday, May 08, 2006

My Silly Dog Stories

A Day in the Lives of the Dreadful Duo

ON LAUNDRY

Coco: (shaking his head) Personally, I don’t see the fascination in all these piles of dirty clothes.

Cookie: (contentedly chewing on a dirty sock) Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it. The soiled ones are an aromatic, epicurean delight.

ON CLEANING

Cookie: (covering her ears with her paws) Stop all that barking. I’m trying to take a nap.

Coco: It’s a dirty job but somebody’s got to bark at the vacuum cleaner, the dust rag, and dishwasher, and everything else around here that makes noise.

Cookie: OK, then I’ll bark at you.

ON PLAY

Coco: Frisbees are to catch.

Cookie: Frisbees are to chew.

Coco: People are to throw Frisbees for me to catch.

Cookie: People are to bark at and jump on when they take the Frisbee away that I was chewing on so they can throw it for you.

ON BEING HOME ALONE

Cookie: (making a beeline for the couch) Oh goody, we have the house to ourselves.

Coco: Let’s see; I’ve played with all my toys. I wonder how an afghan would taste.

Cookie: That looks good. Let me have some.

Coco: Well there’s not much left to the afghan. Let’s try a pillow.

Cookie: (jumping up and down excitedly) I know, I know. Let’s eat the remote so the humans can’t watch TV and they will have to play with us.

ON EATING

Human is taking a well deserved nap

Coco: (licking human in face) get up and feed me.

Cookie: (pouncing on human’s belly and nipping nose) Get up NOW. I’m starving.

TAFFY’S MONSTERS

As they walked past my cage at the humane society on a beautiful October day, I just knew they would be my humans.

I was right. They took me home. From the start, my job has been to protect them. But that’s no easy task. They have a house full of monsters.

I discovered the first one lurking on the wall. It rings until somebody picks it up by the ears. Then one of the humans talks to it for awhile and hangs the ears back up. But it’s never quiet for long.

The next monster is something the humans feed food to, but it never eats it. When it buzzes, someone puts a glove on so he or she won’t get bit and takes the food away from it. Then they eat the food. Sometimes they give some of it to me. I never turn it down.

The third monster is a noisy creature that hides in a tiny room full of coats. After being released, it is chased all over the house while it loudly gobbles up everything on the floor. (I thought that was my job). It even eats my hair. I run away from it because I don’t want it to eat my hair while it is still attached to me.

There is another monster that I have never seen but whenever it buzzes my people go outside to talk to it. Sometimes other people come back inside with them, so maybe it makes people.

DOGGEREL

Last Spring when the dogwoods were blooming I went to the ocean.

Lying in the sun on a dog-eared copy of DOG FANCY, I heard a dogfish jump.

Doggedly dogging the dogfish, I became so dog tired that I can dogmatically state that even my doggone dogteeth hurt.

“Just going for a doggie bag”, I barked at the dogfish as I dogtrotted to my pup tent for a cat nap… oops, I mean dog nap.